gina@lohmanhills.com

It happens every year like clockwork — probably because in the back of my mind, I know the clock is ticking down on the current year.

This morning (December 26th) before my eyes were even open, my brain kicked on and I was wide awake thinking “Christmas Day is over…and now what…” 

I’ve entered the phantom zone between Christmas and New Year when every day seems like Monday…or Friday…or…? What day is it again?

And it’s weird because during this fuzzy time-outside-of-time, somehow the pace of life seems slower…and faster…all at the same time.

I call these the days of “I can’t even…”

• I can’t even believe it’s the end of the year! It was Halloween just a few weeks ago. Right?
• I can’t even think about the fact it’s soon time to take the Christmas tree down, it seems like we just got it all put up.
• I can’t even figure out what to cook at night because it seems like we’ve eaten everything in the past couple of weeks.

It can be overwhelming.

And as soon as we’re finished with Christmas–people are asking about New Year’s Resolutions and what happens next after that and next after that.

For the past several years, to combat this sense of overwhelm which seems to come hand in hand with the holidays, I concentrate on my new year’s focus — a get clear on the new year.

The good news is, it doesn’t take long.

For instance, this morning I dedicated about an hour and a half finding my focus for the coming year.

And as a result I feel much better about where I want to go as the new year arrives. I now have a sense of clarity about where I want to go this year.

Now, for the first time I’m offering a class where I’ll walk you through my process — step-by-step — to help you Find Your Focus, too.  

So if you’re feeling like “I’ve got nothin’…” or “I just can’t even…”, then this is the class for you!

During the class you’ll get clear on where you’ve been and what changes you want to make in the year ahead.

When you’re finished the goal is to feel more calm and directed, ready to take on all the exciting new challenges that lie ahead.

You’ll have a single point to keep you centered and moving forward throughout the coming year.

My 2020 Find Your Focus workshop consists of a short homework assignment to get started, followed by a one-on-one phone call  to hone in on your focal point, and then a 30-minute follow-up a couple of weeks later.

Best of all it’s only $99 to get your year started in the best way possible!

• Download your #ThisDaysJoy cheat sheet!

This time next week Christmas 2019 will be over, so during the past few days I’ve been thinking about Christmas presents. More specifically, I’ve pondered the word “present.”

I’m fascinated by words which may be used in more than one way — say as a noun or an adjective, or perhaps as both noun and verb.

“Present” is a great word because it can be an adjective, a noun, or a verb (even though the pronunciation changes). 

Present — as an adjective, it’s the being present, living in the moment, fully focused on what’s happening right now, and soaking it all in.

Christmas Being Present is putting down the phone, turning on the Do Not Disturb, and paying attention to the people in the room with you. It’s turning off the television and turning on a conversation. It’s taking a walk outside and listening to the crunch of snow or the call of birds in the woods.

It’s using the moment of Christmas Being Present to build a memory when this year‘s holiday has become Christmas Past. It’s focusing on all five senses and paying attention to the things you see, smell, taste, touch, and hear.

Christmas Present — as a noun it’s the actual instant we’re always living in; it may also be the gift we give or the one we receive.

Just like the only day we ever has is today, the only Christmas we have is the one we’re experiencing right now. 

Christmas past is past, and all we have is the opportunity to make the most of this one precious Christmas Day, because no one is guaranteed another. And if there’s no guarantee of another Christmas Day, there’s no guarantee of another Christmas gift. 

Present — as a verb it’s the act of giving itself, the handing over or delivery of something special.

By the same token, Christmas presents are the gifts we are given and the ones we receive. It’s important to remember, each time someone hands you a gift, what they’re really doing is handing you a slice of their life. Gifts are the tangible symbol of the time it took to earn the money to buy the gift, and if the gift is handmade it’s representative of the time it took to make — it’s a slice of someone’s life that person will never get back. So, be thankful. Show gratitude.  

As a thank you to readers who have followed along with my blog this past year, who have commented and emailed, I created a present with you in mind.  So download your #ThisDaysJoy cheat sheet here.

It’s ideal for hanging on the refrigerator, sticking on the bulletin board or where ever is most handy. And please feel free to share with anyone you think might like to play along. Enjoy!

Until next time, I wish you the very happiest of holiday seasons.

From a grammatical perspective, the word ‘but’ is a conjunction, and it’s primary function, in addition to hooking up all those words, and phrases and clauses, is to show contrast. 

That’s what ‘but’ does.

It takes you from where you are, to someplace different, not to someplace that’s similar or a continuation of where you are. So the question becomes which direction will the contrast take you — from negative to positive? Or positive to negative?

My grandma always said there are two kinds of people — the first kind are the ones who have a solution for every problem, and then there’s the second kind, the ones who have a problem for every solution. 

One of my favorite techniques for practicing positive reframing is what I call “Add a But.” 

Whether it’s a burned dinner, car accident, bad haircut or whatever, adding a but and continuing the sentence is a way to change my thinking and turn a negative into a positive.

Adding a but helps me find solutions (or new perspectives) for problems. This strategy is involves deliberate work to re-see an event in a more positive light, to make the proverbial lemonade from the lemons on my doorstep.

• I burned the steaks,…but I didn’t set off the fire alarm.
• I had a car accident,…but no one was hurt.
• I got a bad haircut,…but at least my hair grows quickly.

But…what about that second group of people Grandma mentioned, the ones who have a problem for every solution? My friend Lynne has just such a mother. 

This summer, Lynne spent the afternoon on her hands and knees weeding in the garden…and when her mom stopped by the first words out of her mouth were “looks good, but you missed a spot over there.” 

Later as the two of them sipped glasses of wine, Lynne commented on the beautiful sunset, and there was her mom chiming in with a “but too bad it’s supposed to rain tomorrow.”

A couple of weeks ago as Christmas sales rolled around, Lynne found the perfect 12 foot flocked Christmas tree for her entryway and it was on sale…and there was her mother–AGAIN–saying “but where are you going to store it once Christmas is over?”

I’ve taken to calling Lynne’s mom The But Patrol — because she’s always around sticking her ‘but’ in where it doesn’t belong. 

Now I get texts from Lynne saying “Just got ticketed by the But Patrol.”

Listening to Lynne talk about her mom has made me more conscious of my own speech patterns, of times when I put on my own But Patrol badge and find problems instead of solutions.

BUT I’m working on thinking twice before I stick my ”but” in where it just might not belong.

This afternoon I was sitting at the rink waiting for my son to finish up with his skating lesson when the radio station on the overhead speakers took a commercial break. A breathless woman talked about her Christmas gift giving, and she began by saying, “I get so caught up…”

I’m not sure what she said after that because I had stopped listening. I got “caught up” in her saying “I get so caught up.”

Then I had to laugh at myself — I was caught up in thinking about being caught up.

But it gave me pause to think about all the things I get caught up in, despite my best efforts to do less each year.

Over the last few years our family has made a concerted effort to cut back on our gift giving. Years ago, we stopped gift-giving to our extended family — all the aunts and uncles and the cousins we drew names for.

And now our immediate family of parents and grandparents is in the attrition phase of life with everyone gone except for my mom and dad and my husband’s stepmother. 

We still do gifts for our son, but it’s been pared back substantially from the way it was when he was little.

Now we follow the tradition of giving him something he wants, something he needs, something to wear, and something to read. And, a couple of Christmas ornaments that get stuck in the toe of his stocking. Nothing is overly extravagant.

But even with a short gift list, at this time of year it’s so easy to get caught up in All. The. Things. The other things…

• Decorating the house for Christmas and baking the special cookies I only make at Christmas. 
• Going to this or that event and making the little maraschino cherry mice that I always bring.
• Sending out cards to family and friends and creating the photo montage card that’s become tradition.
• Cleaning the house and deciding it would be good to start the new year with fully sorted and organized kitchen cabinets.

How ironic — when I’m “caught up” in all the things, all I can think about is how great it will be when I’m finally “caught up.”

Seriously? I think I’ll take this commercial as a sign to make this the holiday season when I don’t get caught up.

When I’m not creating a picture perfect holiday and instead concentrating on creating a holiday that’s perfect, one where I’m free to enjoying the season however feels right.

Come to think of it, not getting caught up sounds like a pretty good way to live a life year round.

When Rich and I were first married, we lived in an apartment in Laramie, Wyoming. One day in October shortly after we moved in, we heard the thundering footsteps of three young children, kids who belonged to our new neighbors — Joey & Larie.

The four of us quickly became fast friends sharing late-night laughter and —when we could afford it — strawberry daiquiris.

Those two years as next-door neighbors became the basis for a lifelong friendship. The kind of friendship where, though you don’t see each other that often, you are immediately able to pick up where you left off.

So, it’s been several years since we last saw Joey & Larie, but earlier this month our son and his ice-skating partner competed in USFS Pairs Nationals in Allen, Texas.

Since Joey and Larie’s older daughter lives near the rink, they drove down from Oklahoma so we could all get together. It was perfect!

Last weekend after we’d gotten home, I wandered from booth to booth a craft fair, looking at wreaths and Christmas crafts, reflecting on how very blessed I felt to be able to see Joey and Larie again.

That thought no more than crossed my mind than I turned the corner and saw a small sign that read “Find Joey.”

On second look, I realized it didn’t say “Find Joey” at all. It was simply an odd font, and instead, the sign actually read “Find Joy.”

But my misreading of that slogan reminded me of something that seems fitting to ponder on Thanksgiving Day— the idea that we find what we look for.

I know it holds true for me. Since I began my journey into joy, I’ve come to understand that I find what I look for.

When my thoughts were on Joey and Larie? Presto — I saw a sign that told me to Find Joey.

When I look for yellow pickup trucks, I find yellow pickups. When I look for little blue coupe, I find little blue coupes. When my thoughts focus on something to be angry or complain about, I find it.

Because I know I find what I look for, I’ve made a point of looking for #ThisDaysJoy, for reasons to feel gratitude.

It’s evening now, with Thanksgiving Day drawing to a close. I hope you looked for — and found —-many things to be thankful for.

And, until the season rolls around again, may you look for—and find—many reasons to be grateful and joyful each day.