The other day a woman posted to a online group, describing her weekend. A friend of hers had suggested they get together for a crafting weekend, but when this friend arrived at the woman’s home, things went awry. Her friend spent the whole time texting on her phone, posting snarky comments to Facebook about the way “some people’s children” act (things her host’s children had done), and a long litany of other things.
If half of what the woman wrote is even half true…well, then her friend is no friend.
What I found interesting was the woman’s final question: “is it just me or was my friend out of line?”
No surprise, the comments came fast and furious.
It’s not you!
She’s no friend!
Tell her to get lost!
Never invite her back again. Ever!
I scrolled on by without commenting, but later that evening I thought back on the situation she had described, and here’s what I realized: it doesn’t matter whether it was a case of “Just Me” or not.
The fact of the matter is, this woman was really hurt by the way her friend — a guest in her home! — acted while she was visiting.
So any time you’re wondering “Is it just me?”, just stop.
Now is the time take a deep breath and trust yourself.
Own your own feelings first.
I didn’t realize it at the time, but years ago I had a friend who was an emotional vampire. If she felt something, it was The Truth. But if I felt something, “well, that’s just you.”
I never knew quite how to respond to that comment, and I was left feeling on the wrong foot, as if somehow I’d been a bad friend.
I certainly didn’t trust myself enough to say, “Gina, this woman is a narcissist. Run away!”
Eventually our careers took us to different parts of the country, and busy lives made it easy to fall out of touch, but every now and then she’ll pop up on social media long enough pat me on the head with a “that’s just you” sort of comment.
I ignore her because I now see the situation for what it is:
It’s just me. And I’m the only me I’ve got so you can be darned sure I’m going to do my best to take care of her.
You owe it to yourself to answer the “Is it just me?” question honestly.
Yes! It’s just me that’s hurt.
Yes! It’s just me that’s feeling like a chump.
Yes! It’s just me that’s frustrated.
Write down all the emotions you’re feeling. All of them!
Because before you can get to the bottom of a situation involving another person, you’ve got to get the bottom of the situation with yourself.
Sometimes people get so concerned with what other people are feeling that they forget to take care their own. They act as if their feelings don’t matter, aren’t as valid, or are less important than someone else’s.
Any time you find your thoughts turning that direction, it’s like taking a first step down a really bad road.
And trust yourself.
Michelle Markling says
Good article. We all have toxic people in our lives and learning how to deal with their toxicity is a challenge.?