gina@lohmanhills.com

Keeping the Main Thing the Main Thing

The other day I was talking with a friend who lamented the difficulty she experiences each day in staying focused on the most important things in her life.

Too often, she gets lost in a sea of details and little things.

I can relate.

There are so many distractions: traffic, telephones, social media, and schedules that are out of control.

Everywhere I look there are too many choices and each one of those areas demands that I make a decision…right now!

How am I supposed to keep my attention focused on the priorities in my life?

That’s where attention management comes into play. Stated most simply, attention management is taking active control of the things you pay attention to.

Attention management means keeping the main thing the main thing, deliberately focusing your attention in a direction of your own choosing.

Want to be better at attention management?

Here are some easy steps you can take to help you improve your attention management skills.

Identify What You Actually Do vs. What You Want to Do

Figure out where you are right now.

What are you paying attention to these days?

All too often the life we say we want for ourselves doesn’t match up with the reality of what happens each day.

I may say I want to spend more time writing or exercising, but another week goes by with only a few words written and nothing logged in my exercise journal.

Why not? Where does all the time go?

Take a week and do a time audit — write down everything you do every single day and how much time you spent doing that task.

(Hint: It’s fine to lump “make dinner – 30 minutes” into a single item rather than “chop onion – 5 minutes,” “peel carrots – 3 minutes,” and “slice carrots – 4 minutes.” But “make dinner,” “eat dinner,” and clean up after dinner” are three totally separate items.)

Making a list like this is helpful in several ways. First it helps you realize in concrete terms just how much you DO accomplish every single day. Next, it shows you exactly how you’re spending your time and where you may be burning daylight.

Eliminate Easy Distractions

Each decision we make takes a certain amount of mental energy.

From the moment you wake up in the morning you’re hit with decisions needing to be made. Do you have time for breakfast, and if so, what do you want to eat? What should you wear to work? Do you have your gym clothes in your workout bag? Do you need to make your lunch or should you go out to eat?

The longer the day goes on the more the decisions you need to make pile up, one atop the other. As soon as you get to work, should you check your email or get started planning for the day or jump right in where you left off last night when you left work? It’s not even 8:30am, and already you’ve made hundreds of small decisions. It’s no reason you’re overwhelmed.

Voluntarily cutting back on your options means you have fewer decisions to make, and it also means you have more time and mental energy to think about the remaining decisions before you.

Do you need eight breakfast cereals to choose from? Do you have too many inboxes to check?

Take a look at your life. Where can you cut down on the inconsequential decision making you do each day?

Make life easier on yourself simply by cutting out unnecessary extras.

Practice Big Picture Thinking

Once you’ve eliminated all the easy distractions, it doesn’t take long to see that, unfortunately, there are still plenty of things vying for your attention.

Using big picture thinking tools keeps those things manageable.

Big picture thinking means looking for overarching ideas that unite things that seem to be unrelated.

For example: Peanut butter, oak trees, and honey bees might not immediately seem to be related to one another, but for some people the big picture is “things I’m allergic to.”

Or, if you eat three meals each day, big picture thinking — writing a menu for the week — means there are 21 fewer decisions you will need to make during the next seven days.

It’s far easier to keep track of one thing — “Things I’m Allergic To” or “Menu for the Week” than it is trying to keep track of a dozen different things that give you an allergic reaction or three food plans each day.

Bundling things together into like categories helps you manage the sheer number of things you need to pay attention to.

These are just a few things you can do to help with attention management. And then there’s social media! A topic worthy of its own blog post. So please stay tuned for more about attention management and the positive reframe.

If you’d like to learn more, please drop me a line at gina@ginaprosch.com. I am available for individual consult/coaching session as well as professional, in-office training sessions.

Focus

It’s so easy for me to scurry.

The kind of thing that happens late at night when I want to clear off the kitchen countertops so they’ll be clean first thing in the morning. And I spend some time doing that.

Then I notice that the cat needs to be fed and the dog needs water. So, I do that too.

Then when I get to the bathroom, I noticed the towels that you meant to fold earlier in the evening are still waiting there in a heap. Might as well fold them and take the basket to the laundry room.

And while I’m doing that I notice the last of the load of laundry is still in the washer, so I toss it in the dryer.

It’s like “when you give a mouse a cookie” only it’s “when you give a mom a basket of laundry.”

What I really need to do is get to bed, but somehow I’ve spent 45 minutes…scurrying.

So that brings up the question: how do I keep the main thing the main thing?

Focus.

It’s my word for 2018.

Choosing a word isn’t a resolution or unrealistic promise to myself (something that I inevitably end up ditching). Choosing a word means deciding on a guiding principle to consider throughout the year.

Focus.

But on what?

It’s impossible to focus on everything all at once, so I’ve got to choose.

What’s the main thing to focus on?

When I take pictures, if I’m going for a shot of the cardinal in the foreground, then the trees in the background will blur out. If I’m taking a picture of the moonrise on the horizon, then the flowers in the foreground are what will turn blurry.

Now, once I choose a main thing — the trick is to keep it the main thing. Otherwise, everything is blurry.

Focus.

When it’s bedtime, the main thing — the thing to focus on — is “getting to bed.” And by the same token, if cleaning up the kitchen or putting away the laundry is really that important it needs to be the focus of a time early in the evening.

Last year, my word was Clear. I worked all year to clear clutter and chaos. Closets and cupboards were cleaned and cleared. The shrub that I hated mowing around got moved someplace more convenient. Things that hadn’t been used were donated to various charities. The house feels lighter, and it’s easier to take care of.

Clear, clear, clear.

And through all the clearing, my word for 2018 revealed itself. There was no way to clear everything at once. I had to choose — to focus — on one thing at a time.

Focus.

My guiding thought for this year.

Focus: because there’s no way to do everything all at the same time.

Focus: because it gives me permission to let certain things face into the background in order to concentrate on other things.

Focus: because it requires making conscious decisions.

Focus: because it’s important to think ahead and figure out what’s important.

Focus: because it helps me make hard decisions when two or three or more things vie for your attention.

Focus means being in touch with my core values, so to make sure I’m keeping the main thing — the things I value most — the main thing.

Think Twice – Post Once

… Or Maybe Not at All

Last summer the son of a friend of mine came found a nifty little doodad on the sidewalk while he was walking home from the neighborhood swimming pool with his brothers and sister. Excited by his find, he came in the house and told his mom.

It was a silver spoon with a bent handle so it was easy to hook on his finger. “See!” He said, spinning it around his index finger a couple of times for show.

Then he flipped it over, “and look at this neat little burn spot on the bottom.” He showed his mom where the spoon was discolored, “It’s like someone used it to cook something.”

My friend was more than a little freaked out, but it immediately got worse when her son began mentioning his Instagram feed.

“Did you post any pictures?!”

Her son looked at her like she’d lost her marbles. “Not yet, why?”

“Then don’t!!! This is drug paraphernalia! And now it’s got your fingerprints on it!” She looked at her hand, “And it’s got my fingerprints on it now, too!!”

This kid, the kind whose picture shows up in the dictionary beside the entry for “good kid” was horrified and embarrassed because had no idea what he’d found or what it was used for.

Instead of posting a picture on social media, they carefully wiped off his fingerprints and disposed of the spoon safely. Then, once the excitement was over, they talked about drugs (again), and then about how quickly social media can take a turn for the worse.

Regardless of your age, social media can be fun and keep you connected with people, but it’s also one of the quickest ways you can totally ruin your future (at worst) or make the next few days a nightmare (at best).

Because all the colleges you’re planning to apply to — the ones that really do look at social media profiles — will surely believe it was “just a spoon” you picked up off the sidewalk and you’re really not a drug addict or dealer.
Because your prospective employer might not want to hire someone who has a Facebook feed filled with pictures themselves engaged in obvious underage drinking.
Because your inadvertently viral video that seemed really hip and trendy when you were 19 and on spring break seems a lot less fun when a few years down the road your child’s kindergarten teacher recognizes you…all of you.

Spiderman quickly came to understand that with great power comes great responsibility, and that’s particularly true on social media. Do your level best use some online street smarts and avoid as many self-inflicted wounds as possible.

When she was cutting fabric for her quilts, Grandma always stressed the importance of focusing, keeping your mind on what you were doing. Measure twice and cutting once.

Her advice works well for lots of things, but especially social media posts. Think about what you’re doing and measure your words & photos twice, then post once…or maybe don’t post at all.

The Myth of the Magic Bullet

We’re a real DIY family. We homeschool, we’ve remodeled our house, we run our own business.

We’re pretty much the definition of the “Can Do” point of view. Self reliance. Positive mental attitude. Mental toughness.

And, I’ve seen my can-do derailed and left in smoldering ruins when I start looking for my Magic Bullet.

Magic Bullets. The belief that, regardless of the problem I’m facing, something, some one extra-special thing, will come along and — Presto! — fix it.

It’s easy to see other people and their magic bullets — the woman who’s only one interview away from the perfect job and untold riches. The guy who knows if he settles down and starts a family that he’ll never be discontent again.

It’s even easy, in hindsight, to pick out my own magic bullet tendencies. If we can just get the house clean right now during spring cleaning, then somehow we’ll be able to keep it that way. If I can just get my inbox cleared out of email, then I won’t let it get this clogged up again.”

I doesn’t matter if it’s business, home, or school, life is dodging one magic bullet after another. Looking for the perfect piece of software or app, the magic curriculum or extracurricular activity. Sometimes, even without my being aware it’s happening, an idea creeps in…the idea there’s a solution out there that will tame the clients, make the fear of math go away, cure klutziness, transform an introvert to an extrovert.

And every now and then something happens.

Yes, sometimes a Fantastic Life Event leaves our family better off than we were before.

Yes, sometimes finding a really nifty piece of software or an app really makes an incredible difference in our productivity.

Yes, sometimes reading the right book at the right time makes a real difference in the way you plan your days.

When something or somebody like that happens, embrace it/him/her with gratitude. Fall down on your knees and thank a benevolent universe for bestowing small (or large) favors upon you.

But luck is not a game plan or a business plan, so don’t count on it happening again.

I often remind myself that:

Magic Bullets are unpredictable.
Magic Bullets are impossible to produce on command.
Magic Bullets are always more magic in hindsight.
Magic Bullets almost always come from somewhere else.

In fact, Temple Grandin is right: “There is No Single Magic Bullet.”

But if there are no magic bullets, what is there? Solutions. Solutions pulled from your own training, experience, and education. They aren’t magic and don’t come from somewhere else.

My best solutions come from me…and your best solutions will come from you.

Remember the story of the Gordian Knot?

In ancient Gordium, the capital city of Phrygia (in what is now Turkey), a man named Gordian wandered into town with an ox-cart and fulfilled a prophecy to become the next king. Grateful to the gods, Midas, Gordian’s son, tied the ox-cart to a pole with a knot so intricate that when the 4th Century BC rolled around, the ox cart still stood tied to the pole.

Because nobody had ever been able to undo the knot, legends had grown up around it, and people believed whoever loosed the ox-cart would become the ruler of Asia. When Alexander the Great came to Phrygia, he examined the knot closely, grabbed his sword, and whacked the knot in two.

I love this story because it’s such a great metaphor for thinking outside the box, for finding a simple solution in a complex problem.

On the surface it might look like Alexander had a magic bullet. But remember, he had already traveled a great distance, learned a great many things, and brought along his trusty sword. He found simple solution to a complex problem based on his own judgement.

He used what he knew and made do with what he had…and it turned out to be enough.

No magic bullets needed.

Recalculating

When it comes to life, it pays to have some business experience. Because, if there’s one thing being self-employed has taught me, it’s that projects never go exactly as planned. And that’s a huge carryover for the rest of life.

Last night it rained and rained. Thunder woke me several times, and I greeted the day –the first day of this brand new month — feeling more than a little discombobulated.

This morning I looked at the basement floor in the spot where it’s most likely to leak if there’s a real gully washers…and, amazing enough, the floor was dry. “Well, at least there’s that!” I thought.

I was puttering around the kitchen, contemplating the day, the new week, and the new month, when my phone pinged that I had a text. A friend asking me about the Ice Theatre camp that Wyatt and her daughter were attending and whether or not the rink had ever “lost the ice” like this.

Uh…what?

A few minutes later my phone rang. The coaches had made it down the alphabet to the Ps, and were letting us know that camp was cancelled.

The 5-7 inches of rain that fell overnight resulted in flash flooding. And that flooding came into the rink, melted the ice, and left a muddy mess in its wake.

No camp, no skating.

No ice — at least not for another 3-4 weeks as the rink staff and the parks and rec crew clean up and make new ice.

I posted this meme on Facebook a while back. At the time I thought it would be fun if it weren’t so true.

“Recalculating.”

Make plans, sit back and listen to the laughter of the universe.

Still, there’s a bright side here, and it came from my skate-loving son. He was sad his plans for the week had fallen apart, and really bummed the Squirrel Number he was in wasn’t going to be seen next weekend.

But been paying attention to the way we live our life — so he has remarkable perspective for a 12-year-old, and he’s able to do a positive re-frame of bad situations. When other kids might be in tears, he often says, “Oh, don’t worry Mom, it’s no big deal. Nobody’s dead.”

Today was no different. Over the course of the afternoon he told me, “well, it’s only a month or so…maybe less. And it’s better that this happened than if the rink burned to the ground. It could be lots worse.”

Some may people discount it as wearing rose colored glasses, acting the Pollyanna, or just being an annoying lemonade maker.

I totally get that.

But one thing’s for certain: if you live long enough bad things will happen, things no amount of pre-planning can prevent.

And when those days come, the person who can find a way to see something good — however small that something may be — goes to bes feeling better than the angry gloom and doomers.

So grab that glass of lemonade with both hands and take a big gulp.

See it as a reminder. Maybe the most important things we learn math, science or foreign languages. The truly important things are the ability to be flexible and adapt, to look for a spot of sunshine on a cloudy day, and embrace the inevitability of change. Those are important aspects of running a business, too.

So this week–Recalculating! (After all, it could be worse!)